699. How many times a day should I stand up for my parents?
Rising for a parent when they enter a room is one aspect of the mitzvah of kibbud av va’eim (honoring a parent)—or according to some opinions, the mitzvah of mora (fear). We are commanded to rise to our full height even if they are not actually within our daled amos (four arm-lengths—a measurement of about six feet), and even when they are k’miloi einov (within sight), measured by Chazal as about 266.66 amos (a minute fraction less than 400 feet).
Furthermore, we are encouraged to rise when we become aware of their approach—such as when their voice or footsteps are heard. We should not sit down until the parent is seated or has moved out of sight.
If a child, even as an adult, lives with their parents or sees them multiple times a day, how often must they rise in their honor?
Some authorities maintain that we should rise for our parents (and rabbonim) twice daily, just as it is an imperative to say the Shema to declare our subjugation to Hashem both in the evening and in the morning. Are we compelled to honor anyone more than the Creator? they ask. However, Sephardi poskim rule that there is no daily limit to rising out of respect (even for a rav). Some Ashkenazi poskim concur with regard to parents only, and maintain that rising to honor father and mother is limitless.
If a parent was clearly moichel (forgiving of) this kavod with words or gestures, the child is not obligated to rise. If others are present who are unaware of this mechilah, the child must rise. Even if a parent was moichel this kavod, the child nevertheless performs a mitzvah if they continue to show respect in this manner (unless it upsets the parent, in which case it is not an act of honor). In addition, they are still bound to show hiddur (reverence) to their parents, aside from the specific obligation of rising out of respect; therefore, all children should rise slightly when a parent enters.
Rising for parents seems to have become a practice about which otherwise Torah-observant Jews are not punctilious—why not?
It has been suggested it is no longer common etiquette to rise for parents, so it’s as if all parents are effectively moichel—unless they have taught their children otherwise. However, this explanation is far from a conclusive psak. Therefore, even these days we should venerate parents by rising for them, unless they were moichel outright.