Who Qualifies as Mesader Kiddushin?
The Gemarah tells us, “Kol she’eino yodea betiv gitin ve’kiddushin lo y’hei lo aisek imahen,” anyone who is not well versed in the laws of divorce and marriage should not be involved in them. There is a difference of opinion among poskim what the word aisek refers to: Is simply being mesader kiddushin considered being involved, and if one is not an expert in the laws of kiddushin he may not be mesader kiddushin—or does it refer to paskening and ruling about sidur kiddushin? Some say that the Gemarah is referring specifically to gitin ve’kiddushin, doing the sidur kiddushin in a case where there had previously been a divorce. Following a divorce it is crucial to ascertain that the get had been given halchically to allow for the performance of the new kiddushin. Certainly, in a place where there is a mora de’asra, a local rav, it is forbidden for someone else to do sidur kiddushin. It is an ancient takonas hakehilos, an institution of Jewish communities, that it is forbidden for other people to encroach on the position of the local rav and be mesader kiddushin, unless explicit permission has been granted by the rav; in a place where there is more than one mora de’asra, permission has to be obtained from the majority of rabbonim in the city. The poskim very strongly condemn those involved in an unauthorized sidur kiddushin, and even censure those attending the wedding feast. The Shoel U’meishiv and other poskim say that a kiddushin that was done without complying with this din is not considered a legitimate kiddushin; the Minchas Elazar writes that there were many who made sure to have the sidur kiddushin done over in the proper manner. Nonetheless, he goes on to say that one should not consider a kiddushin done without permission from the local rav totally meaningless: due to the severity of marrying an eishes ish (a woman previously married), a get would be called for in case one of the parties would wish to remarry.
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1 קדושין ו, א. שם יג, א ובמהרש״א ועיון יעקב שם. שו״ע אה״ע סוסי׳ מט ובט״ז ובב״ש שם. ועיי״ש בפת״ש. וראה ר״ד כ״ד אייר תשל״ז (נדפס בס׳ בצל החכמה ע׳ 33). שיחת יום ב׳ דחגה״ש תשל״ה. ולהעיר משו״ת הצ״צ אה״ע רסי׳ קפ. וראה בהנסמן בחקרי מנהגים (תשס״ו) ח״ב ע׳ קצז. ומש״כ להעיר עליו בקונט׳ בענין קדושין שבשו״ת דברי פינחס ח״ב. ובנוגע לתקנת הקהילות - עיי״ש עוד בהנסמן בפת״ש שם. וכ״ה כבר בשו״ת מהר״ם מינץ סקט״ו. ועוד. ובארוכה - בשולחן העזר ס״ו ס״ז ובשמלה לצבי שם. ובשו״ת כנסת יחזקאל, הובא בפת״ש שם, נאמרו בזה דברים חריפים עד למאוד שאא״פ להעתיק. ולענין דיעבד - ראה שו״ת שו״מ ח״ג סרל״ט. דברי מלכיאל ח״ד סקי״ט. הרי בשמים מהדו״ת סרכ״ז. מנח״א ח״ג סל״ט. וראה בהנלקט בפרדס אליעזר נישואין ח״ד סכ״ט. וראה מכתב הבד״צ דק״ק ק״ה מיום י״ט מנ״א תשנ״ח. כ׳ סיון תשע״ב.