The Fallout of a Young Boy Estranged from his Father
Parents divorce and their son lives with his mother for the first six years of his life. At age six, he is to go live with his father, as outlined by the Beis Din at the time of the divorce*. The child refuses. The father states, “If my son doesn’t come live with me, I will no longer support him. That’s what the Shulchan Aruch says.”
A father is halachically obligated to support his minor children. When they reach the age of six, this monetary benefit is considered tzeddakah (charity), though it is still required. How then, is the father in the above scenario exempt from child support? Indeed his reasoning is in line with the Rambam, as codified in Shluchan Aruch! Possible justifications for this practice are explored by latter-day poskim:
It’s the father’s obligation, primarily, to teach his son Torah and, perhaps, absent being able to fulfill this mitzvah, he no longer has to support him.
Perhaps it’s not in the child’s best interest to receive money (tzeddakah) from his father when he spurns his spiritual influence, and withholding it can be considered a disciplinary measure.
Since the son is a rebellious child, maybe the father is no longer obligated in the tzeddakah!
Perhaps withholding support is a consequence for the mother, for having estranged her son from his father and reneged on the custody agreement.
Maybe a cash allowance is beyond the purview of the father’s obligation. If the son and father lived together, the father would provide him with food and shelter, but long-distance, the support would have to be monetary.
Other questions arise from the sevaros (theories) of the poskim:
If the son’s support is dependent on his father’s responsibility to teach him Torah, what are the ramifications for a daughter whose father is not required to educate her to the degree of her brother (who has a specific mitzvah to learn Torah when he is older)?
How does this halachah affect joint custody or visitation agreements divorced parents may have via a Beis Din? Can financial arrangements change according to the child’s decision to desist living with the father in scenarios other than the one stated above?
A Beis Din considers all these possibilities before issuing a psak (ruling) exempting a father from his obligation to support his estranged child(ren). Obviously, it would be best in any scenario for divorced parents to resolve issues of custody amicably, especially considering the children’s emotional wellbeing (since having children, halachically speaking, is more a responsibility and less a privilege).
*This is actually the general guideline of the Shulchan Aruch: when a boy reaches the age of six, his father receives custody, to enable him to fulfill his obligation of providing his son with his spiritual needs. However these terms are not followed by Beis Din in many circumstances, chiefly because halachah is concerned with the custody arrangement that is best for the particular child (see Halachah #238).
(Halachically, a daughter is to remain with her mother—barring existential issues, as determined by Beis Din—for the mother is charged with her education; therefore a father has no leverage by which to refuse a daughter her child benefits.)