#153. Rebuking One’s Spouse
It is a husband’s responsibility to ensure that all the members of his family conduct themselves in the proper Torah way. However, when it comes to rebuking his wife, the husband has to be very careful to talk in a calm, considerate manner. The Gemara tells us that one should be extra careful with the issur, prohibition, of ona'ah, taunting one’s wife, more than the general issur of ona'ah, because dim'asa metzuya, a woman cries very readily. When fulfilling his obligation to remind his wife that it is time to light Shabbos candles, he should say so benichusa, calmly. The Gemara recounts that Rav Yosef’s wife used to light Shabbos candles very late. Rav Yosef shared with her a drasha, Torah discourse, about the importance of lighting on time. Instead of rebuking her, he provided her with an important lesson through which she learned to appreciate the value of lighting on time. This is the correct method of getting messages across in one’s home.