When a Compliment Tends Towards Flattery

When a Compliment Tends Towards Flattery

Attributing titles to Rabbanim is halachically acceptable, even when they are a bit excessive. Similarly, we are encouraged to compliment a baal tefillah (cantor), baal tokeah (shofar-blower) and the like, even if we are effusive in our praise and stretch the truth a bit. Beis Hillel is quoted in the Gemora regarding praising a kallah (bride) as na’ah v’chassudah (beautiful and graceful), even if the compliment deviates a bit from the truth—and we are warned against highlighting her shortcomings. Likewise, if someone shows us something they acquired, we are to admire their purchase, and not demean it.

These practices follow the principal of “L’olam tehai da’ato shel adam meureves im habriyos” (a person should always be cordial with others)—which is an obligation to behave in a socially acceptable manner. We need not be concerned that any of these accolades cross the line of “midvar sheker tirchak” (distance yourself from falsehood).

However, since we are advised to avoid chanufah (excessive flattery), deemed an undesirable trait, we ought to keep compliments within reason. Rabbi Akiva Eiger notes that had he had the power, he would have nullified the use of disproportionate titles given to Rabbanim, since they contain avak chanufah (a smidgen of flattery), can provoke avak sinah (a tinge of hatred) if the beneficiary feels shortchanged, and also engenders avak gaavah (a whiff of arrogance). Therefore, moderation is key, and we should be careful not to take our kudos over the top.

https://halacha2go.com?number=597

Practical Halacha: One minute a day. By Horav Yosef Yeshaya Braun, shlita, Mara D'asra and member of the Badatz of Crown Heights.