When Not to Forgive?

  1. Forgiving

When a person asks another for mechila, forgiveness, one is obligated to forgive immediately. However, there are a number of exceptions to this rule: 1) If the person still owes the other money, the debt should first be repaid. 2) If the reason for withholding forgiveness is for the offender’s benefit, in order for them to learn a lesson and improve their actions?in such a case the offended should remove all  hatred towards the other from their heart, but externally appear as though they are not forgiving. 3) If the offended knows that the offense will most likely be repeated, and therefore the request for forgiveness is not a genuine one. 4) In the case of a motzie shem ra, when someone spread a false rumor and made it public knowledge, thereby ruining the reputation of the individual. The reason why forgiveness does not have to be granted in this case is due to the concern that people will hear the negative information but not learn about the retraction. However, when such a concern does not exist, one is obviously obligated to forgive.

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Practical Halacha: One minute a day. By Horav Yosef Yeshaya Braun, shlita, Mara D'asra and member of the Badatz of Crown Heights.