How to Comfort Mourners?
#155 How to Comfort Mourners
When paying a shiva call one should wait for the mourner to initiate the conversation before speaking. If the mourner has done so on the first day of shiva when meeting the first visitors, it can be deemed as the mourner having spoken first. If the mourner indicates that they do not wish to have any more company, by a nod of the head for example, visitors should take it as a sign to leave. It is the task of the comforters to say words of comfort, not just sit silently or babble. One should not talk in a house of mourning devarim shel ma b'kach, small talk unrelated to the situation. The responsibility of the comforters is to actually comfort the mourner by saying meaningful words. The minimum one should say is the customary greeting, the words, “HaMokom yenachem eschem be’soich sha’ar aveilei Tzion vi’Yerushalayim”, that Hashem should comfort you among the mourners for Tzion and Yerushalayim. It says in the Gemara that the reward for going to comfort a mourner is earned by being silent, but that does not mean one should be silent during the entire visit; one should achieve a balance between talking and listening to what the mourner wishes to say.
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